A common question I hear is “why”.  Why do I get turned on by this?  Why does he want me to do that?  We can explore causation and it is certainly natural to wonder however what I try to help people focus on is the “what” rather than the “why.”.  The why is interesting to understand and sometimes therapeutically necessary as well, however the what is generally more productive.  Things happen and at the end of the day it is our reaction to those events that make the difference in the quality of life. Why something is what it is tends to keep us stuck in the past while thinking about what we are going to do about it allows us to create the future.