Why do I like Sex Y & Z…

On October 23, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

A common question I hear is “why”.  Why do I get turned on by this?  Why does he want me to do that?  We can explore causation and it is certainly natural to wonder however what I try to help people focus on is the “what” rather than the “why.”.  The why is interesting to understand and sometimes therapeutically necessary as well, however the what is generally more productive.  Things happen and at the end of the day it is our reaction to those events that make the difference in the quality of life. Why something is what it is tends to keep us stuck in the past while thinking about what we are going to do about it allows us to create the future. 

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Compromise sounds nice on the surface, but…

On October 21, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

 

For a long and happy marriage, compromise can cause as much pain as pleasure.  Compromise by couples is a noble effort that is unfortunately often frat with problems that can lead to resentment.  The book, “The New Rules of Marriage” says it nicely.  “No matter how hard you may try to take the high road, the discrepancy between the marriage you want and the one you’ve got can gnaw away at you like a slow-growing cancer.  When you back away from your real needs, when you stop telling the truth – to your partner and yourself – you shut down…when you shut down the truth, you shut down yourself – your generosity, your sexuality, and your vitality.”  Although it is not always easy, I encourage couples to compromise with caution and communicate deeply about their respective needs, wants, desires and dreams.