Sex on the beach…

On February 3, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

207_jenniferkiel1One of the biggest challenges couples of all ages face is the use of what I call the two “killer words,” i.e., “always” and “never.” You always do this and you never do that!  Always and never are relationship killers because they don’t allow for growth and change.  I love this picture of two young newlyweds.  Partly because it is my son and his bride, both of whom I dearly love.  But also because this image is symbolic of love and intimacy when couples are walking forward instead of looking backwards.  Happy anniversary, kids!

Hanky Panky for Mommy & Daddy…

On January 30, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

Sexual desire is the number one concern people bring to my sex therapy practice.  One partner wants more and one partner wants less.  This is particularly true with new parents.  Mom’s hormones are running rampant after the birth of a child, the baby is screaming bloody murder, the new dad doesn’t know what to do, etc., etc.  I am pleased to say that there is a “must read” book just published on the subject written by my colleague and friend, Dr. Ian Kerner, author of “She Comes First.” Ian’s new book is called, “Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting it On Again”.  When the going gets tough, sex is the glue that holds relationships together.  Ian’s book may be the best relationship insurance policy that parents can buy!



It is 4 degrees below zero here in Denver tonight.  Yes kids, that’s Fahrenheit and that doesn’t account for wind chill.  The weather and a few sad clients remind me of just how many people become depressed from the cold short days and decreased sunshine.  There is no reimbursement code for “cabin fever”  so now the medical community calls it Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).  How’s that for a fitting acronym?  Kidding aside, the feelings of sadness are real and people who already struggle with low libidos are swimming against the tide.  So what’s a girl or guy to do?  The most common treatments are antidepressants, light therapy, and or psychotherapy.  Alternatively, a free organic approach that works for many people is to get sunshine when you can find it and sit next to a bright window.  Seek professional help if you need it and always remember that SAD is temporary because spring is on the way!                 

Fetishes are all good in Sweden…

On January 23, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

 Mental health professionals across the globe have a little known “secret code book” used to diagnose mental illness, i.e., depression, anxiety, etc.  In the US it is called the DSM while in Europe it is called the ICD.  Psychiatrists generally get paid by insurance companies and use the codes in this 6 pound, 800 page guerilla of a book to get reimbursed.  In other words unless you are diagnosed with a mental illness, the docs don’t get paid, hence there is a diagnosis for everything you can imagine and many you can’t.  Attitudes change over time and it used to be that the DSM classified homosexuality as a mental illness until 1973 when the DSM got changed and miraculously millions of homosexuals were “cured.”  Today, people involved in sexual behaviors that don’t conform to the norms of society can also be labeled as mentally ill, i.e., consenting adults who participate in sadomasochism, fetishism, etc.  This is a big deal because important matters like child custody cases can be effected if one of the parents has been diagnosed with a mental illness.  This month in Sweden however they took a giant step towards allowing consenting adults to make adult choices by eliminating six alternative forms of sexual expression from Sweden’s version of the ICD (i.e., sadomasochism, fetishism, and multiple disorders of sexual preferences).  Sexuality educators throughout the world are applauding Sweden for their global leadership towards creating a more sex positive planet.  Do we really want the government to decide which of our sexual behaviors are okay and which ones are an illness?  Not so much!  Cheers to the Swede’s.     

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New sexual attitudes in America…

On January 21, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

In light of the focus on politics this week this is just too cute to pass up.


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The inauguration of a sex positive society…

On January 20, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


As Barack Obama takes office today this is a historic event for America.  As we change administrations, wouldn’t it be nice if today also represented the first day of a sexual renaissance?   When I tell people that my mission is to help make the world a more sex positive place they often ask what that means.  Sexual anthropologists have been saying for years that all societies attempt to control the sexual behavior of their people. In America, we are doing just that on many levels.  Personally, I was turned down to rent office space when the landlord learned I am a sex therapist.  Also recently, my general liability insurance was canceled for the same reason.  (Not my malpractice insurance mind you, but my “slip and fall” insurance as if people who seek sex therapy are clumsier than others!).  On a more macro note, we spend $1.5 billion dollars per year on abstinence only until marriage education.  The average age of first marriage today is 27.  How many of us waited until we were 27 to have sex for the first time.  I ache at the very thought!  Seriously, check out this clown “educating” our kids utilizing our federal tax dollars. Despite Bozo’s head in the sand message, sexuality educators around the globe know that abstinence only education doesn’t work.  Furthermore, a large percentage of kids quizzed in longitudinal studies 5 years after making virginity pledges don’t even recall taking the oath. Kids who are not exposed to comprehensive sexuality education in the schools use less protection and are simply at greater risk than those who have been informed with facts.  Let’s hope that today represents change toward a more sex positive society.   

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One secret to never tell your spouse…

On January 18, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

Let’s just suppose there are one or more features on your body that you are not happy with.  Imagine that!  Well, it’s perfectly natural and okay to have those thoughts, but it is a big mistake to share those thoughts with your partner because ultimately you will convince him or her not to like that part of your body as well.  In other words if you keep telling your partner you hate the way your ears look, in time he too will come to think you are a direct descendent of Dumbo.  A recent study found that 71% of men are happy with their partner’s breasts so let’s leave well enough alone.  My advice; save negative feelings about your body for your best friend or your therapist, but keep this a secret from your partner.  For all you know, it was those big floppy ears that attracted him to you in the first place.

My 52nd Birthday…

On January 17, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


As I turned 52 tonight I couldn’t help but think about what I really wanted for my birthday and it hit me — Unconditional love and friendship.  As I had dinner at a lovely restaurant with two friends, Dave and Pam, I realized that my birthday wish had come true. These are not just friends, but life-long friends, dear friends.  We have survived Dave’s cancer and a multitude of other difficult issues together.  We have traveled the country together, loved together and cried together.  Dave’s sister recently married her wife in San Francisco.  One of Pam’s two wonderful sons is gay.  Our server tonight just so happened to be a wonderfully sweet lesbian woman who overheard our conversation and thankfully joined in.  And me, I’m passionate about making the world a more sex positive place and creating equality for sexual minorities.  It was a love fest!  What more could a sex therapist want?  We had one of those rare and deep conversations that goes beyond small talk. It was about being real.  I wouldn’t trade tonight for a winning lotto ticket.  All I can say is thank you my friends and happy birthday to capricorns everywhere.

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Delayed ejaculation — no need to wait any longer…

On January 16, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

It is 12:51AM and the fire alarm in my Denver high-rise is screaming; “fool, jump before you die a miserable death.”  My little black cat, the real Dr. Kinsey has left the warmth of our cashmere comforter and is hiding under the bed.  Three big rig fire trucks are here to save us with sirens howling.  Me, I am doing what every other red blooded American man would be doing in this situation, blogging about delayed ejaculation (formerly known as retarded ejaculation).  Thanks to the pharmacutical companies most everyone knows about erectile dysfunction and “premature ejaculation,” now known as early ejaculation.  Fewer people know about delayed ejaculation (DE) because there are no little pills to fix it.  And the problem is that DE is every bit as emotionally painful as the more common sexual concerns previously mentioned.  I can’t tell you how many men have told me they feel broken because the can’t ejaculate and say, “Doc, I’m so screwed up, I can’t even cum.”  As for their partner, they usually feel inadequate saying, “I’m not good enough for him to even cum inside me.”  The truth is that many men of all ages suffer from DE.  DE can be physiological, but more frequently it is psychological. In any event it is generally treatable.  Everything has a bright side, and my hope from this midnight fire drill is that men who suffer from DE will know they are not alone.  Like the fire department, help is on the way.         

Penis Size is Shrinking in America….

On January 13, 2009, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

I regularly get clients who are concerned about their penis size.  Not surprisingly, as Internet porn grows, an increasing number of men think their own penises are too small.  After all, porn is the primary source where many men get their ideas about what erect penises look like.  Hence, the average guy doesn’t feel like he measures up.  Think about it.  How many heterosexual males have seen another man’s erect penis?  Not many.  Porn stars are carefully selected for the size of their equipment.  Some porn stars may not be able to count to 11 without taking their pants off, however if size is king, porn stars own the thrown.  Porn stars also take Viagra or Cialis prior to shooting (no pun intended) which enables them to be rigidly hard for long periods of time.  What Joe the plumber needs to know is that the average erect penis, when measured scientifically (from the top of the pubic bone to the end of the penis) is 5.1 to 5.7 inches long.  Most importantly, women don’t care how big you are.  What women care about is your heart and your soul.  Trust me, focus on being the skilled, passionate and giving lover that every man has the potential to be and everything else will take care of itself.  For more information about penis size, check out the documentary, “My Penis and I”