Kelloggs dumps Michael Phelps…


Olympic star Michael Phelps was dumped by Kelloggs Corn Flakes this week for smoking pot.  Interestingly, Kelloggs has a long history of rigidity.  Dr. John Harvey Kellogg originally created corn flakes as a health food back in 1906.  Kellogg was an influential author and proponent of health and nutrition.  Unfortunately, Dr. Kellogg also believed that many types of sexual activity were extremely unhealthy.  One of Dr. Kelloggs extreme beliefs was that masturbators required rehabilitation that included genital cages, sewing the foreskin of the penis shut and electric shock.  Genital mutilation was also an option that included circumcision without anesthetic for boys and carbolic acid on the clitoris for girls.  According to Kellogg, “The most loathsome reptile, rolling in the slush and slime of its stagnant pools, would not bemean itself by masturbating.” The moral of the story is that next time you boys choke the chicken, or you girls tickle the taco, just be thankful Dr. Kellogg wasn’t your pediatrician.

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