Selecting the right therapist…

On November 8, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

I frequently get calls from friends and family wanting to know what they should look for when selecting a therapist.  My advice:  In this age of specialization you should be able to select a therapist who has expertise in your very specific area of concern.  Second, studies show that up to 45% of the effectiveness of therapy depends on how well you connect with your therapist. Is their personality compatible with your personality?  Are they actively involved in helping you create solutions or do they simply nod and sigh? Either approach is okay depending on your style, however if you are conscious of what you want you are upping your odds for success.  Third, I tell my friends to select a therapist that is active in the professional community.  None of us has all the answers, but the best therapists are tapped into a broader network of experts we can consult with or refer you to.  Lastly, the pink elephant in the room is often economics.  It is important that you select a therapist whose fees are within your budget.  If paying with a credit card or insurance is important to you, then be sure to ask about it.  And by the way, the right therapist who is more expensive per hour may still turn out to be less expensive if he or she can help you solve you achieve your goals quickly.  At the end of the day, remember one thing, the really good therapists are only concerned with one thing and that is that you get the best possible care.

A visit with Sigmund Freud…

On November 4, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


A client asked me this week what I thought of Sigmund Freud.  His question triggered lovely memories from this past spring.  While in Vienna we visited Sigmund Freud’s museum which is housed in what used to be Dr. Freud’s actual office before he fled the Nazi’s in 1938.  (Too many visits by the Gestapo were making the good doctor very uneasy).  Among other accomplishments, Freud is known for redefining sexual desire as the primary motivational energy of human life. I collect antique books on human sexuality and my collection includes an original copy of Freud’s “Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality.” Needless to say this excursion was of particular interest to me.  The highlight of the museum was a tour of Dr. Freud’s private library which is not open to the public.  (There is nothing like a business card that says “sex doctor” from America to help gain access!).  I readily admit to feeling the spirit of the legendary Freud and it gave me goose bumps to see that many of the books that we sexologists study are the same books that Freud was reading back in the day.  Can you guess what the one item Freud was able to successfully escape to London with?  His famed couch!  Apparently Sigmund Freud had big pockets to go with that big brain!

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Halloween is the ultimate adult holiday…

On October 31, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


Halloween is a wonderful time for couples to be creative, add spice to your love life and break old sexual patterns.  This is your chance to be a pirate or a wench; a stern master or a sexy love slave; a superhero; or perhaps you would like to be a member of the majestic court.  Whatever your fantasy, this is the one day where our culture gives the “big kids” permission to be unabashedly playful.  Halloween is also a nice opportunity to share your fantasies with your lover and build intimacy.  Tonight is your night to think outside the box and let your imagination run wild.  Have fun, Matey!

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Your RX for more sex…

On October 26, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


The stock market has fallen by almost half in the past 15 months and the market isn’t all that’s down. That’s right, difficult economic times are affecting sex and intimacy.  How can it not?  Many clients are asking what they should do.  There is no simple answer however here are some thoughts.  First, try to focus on what you have, not what you have lost.  Second, this is the perfect time for couples to share their deepest feelings as a way to build intimacy.  A good discussion starter is to tell your partner what you feel sad about, what you are mad about, what you are afraid of and what you are thankful for.  What are your dreams for the future?  Couples that dream together stay together!  Finally, and here is the really good part of your prescription.  Have sex at least one time per day or PRN (as often needed)!  Sex is free and sex is fun.  Can’t hurt, might help!


Why do I like Sex Y & Z…

On October 23, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

A common question I hear is “why”.  Why do I get turned on by this?  Why does he want me to do that?  We can explore causation and it is certainly natural to wonder however what I try to help people focus on is the “what” rather than the “why.”.  The why is interesting to understand and sometimes therapeutically necessary as well, however the what is generally more productive.  Things happen and at the end of the day it is our reaction to those events that make the difference in the quality of life. Why something is what it is tends to keep us stuck in the past while thinking about what we are going to do about it allows us to create the future. 

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Compromise sounds nice on the surface, but…

On October 21, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1


For a long and happy marriage, compromise can cause as much pain as pleasure.  Compromise by couples is a noble effort that is unfortunately often frat with problems that can lead to resentment.  The book, “The New Rules of Marriage” says it nicely.  “No matter how hard you may try to take the high road, the discrepancy between the marriage you want and the one you’ve got can gnaw away at you like a slow-growing cancer.  When you back away from your real needs, when you stop telling the truth – to your partner and yourself – you shut down…when you shut down the truth, you shut down yourself – your generosity, your sexuality, and your vitality.”  Although it is not always easy, I encourage couples to compromise with caution and communicate deeply about their respective needs, wants, desires and dreams.

The caveman cometh…

On October 13, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

One more thought about early ejaculation in response to my last post.  If we look at early ejaculation in a prehistoric context it makes sense that men ejaculate quickly.  Cavemen were actually at great risk when they had sex.  During sex man was extremely vulnerable to attack by his enemies so the faster he ejaculated during intercourse the safer he was.  Perhaps rapid ejaculators are the strongest of the human species! Perhaps only the rapid ejaculators successfully procreated and survived!   


Early ejaculation…

On October 9, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

Many men experience early ejaculation and it is hardly surprising when we think about it.  We are a time sensitive culture that wants instant gratification, fast food, and movies on demand.  Men that talk fast and eat fast, often come fast as well.  Being quick and efficient may be the very strength that makes you effective at work however it may not be getting you what you want in bed.  Coming more quickly than the man or his partner wants can be the cause of fear, anxiety and shame.  The great news is that early ejaculation is easily treatable.  To find a certified sex therapist in your area simply go the Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists at  

Am I normal?

On October 6, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

A frequent question I hear in my office is “Am I normal?”  My response is to try a different question, i.e., am I happy?  For many people letting go of worries about normality is a giant step toward internal peace and happiness.  Remember too that being normal isn’t all that it is cracked up to be.  Albert Einstien was hardly normal and the world would be a different place without his genius.

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Sex on the wrong side of the tracks…

On October 3, 2008, in Uncategorized, by drneilcannon1

One way for couples to spice things up is to have sex in unusual places, afterall variety is the spice of life.  The kitchen table or on a blanket under the stars are all good ideas.  Well, last week a couple in South Africa added spice up their relationship by having sex on a railroad track (not my idea!).  Not surprisingly where there are railroad tracks, there are these massive fast moving vehicles called trains!  Unfortunately this couple was killed in a manner that was about as gruesome as one can imagine.  If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times: Practice safer sex, no sex in front of grandma, and most importantly please, no sex in front of a 700 ton locomotive!

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